Headcase

Most people who know me know I get migraines. After all, I do complain about it all the time. Lord knows I don’t want to miss an opportunity to complain. (Yes, I do like cheese with my whine, no you don’t need to call me the WAAAAAAHMbulance, Yes I do like fench cries with my waaaaahamburger.) I get most of the classic symptoms of a migraine; vision disturbances, sensitivity to light, sound and smells, nausea, and of course a screaming, nasty, horrible, indescribable headache. A bunch of years ago they were talking about  daily medications and permanent disability. I spent maybe 2-3 years suffering from almost daily occurrences. To me, the medication was just as bad as the migraine and that disability thing, well that just wasn’t going to happen. I researched and tried all kinds of alternatives. I learned bio-feedback so that I could control pain with my mind (I can bend spoons now too ). I tried to identify and eliminate the triggers that led to migraine in the first place. Triggers include most of my favorite foods along with things like stress and changes in the weather. Eventually I got to the point where I was able to reduce the occurrences to 1 or 2 a year. I got so good at the bio-feedback (Lamaze really) that I did not take any prescription medicines. A hand full of Excedrin Migraine, some deep breathing and visualization was my typically remedy.


As a side story. I had taken a bunch of classes for the bio-feedback. I had several opportunities to practice the techniques while I was taking the course. I quickly noticed that it was working. It didn’t eliminate the migraine, but I could dramatically lessen the effects. I was telling one of my brothers about this new trick I had learned and how it was helping. When I got through with my story, he looked at me and said “You’re so full of sh*t, that doesn’t work. That’s all in your mind, it’s all psychosomatic.” I just looked at him and responded “Exactly”

Anyway, I got to the point where the migraines were manageable. Yeah, they still sucked, but I could live with it,. Every doctor I saw, and it didn’t matter for what, wanted to prescribe me all kinds of drugs when they discovered I was a migraine sufferer. I would just smile and say no thank you. I had something that worked for me and that’s all I needed.

Now let’s skip forward a few years. I had some heart surgery. As a result of the surgery, I have been prescribed two drugs, a beta block to help control my heart rate and a blood thinner. Immediately after my surgery I began to have migraines again. I am getting one or two a week, sometimes more. Seldom do I go a week without one. At first I was panicked. What was causing all the new migraines? I kept asking the doctors about what it might be. Was it one of the drugs I was on? Nobody knew. Everytime I talked to someone their response was, Nope, couldn’t be (Pick one: drugs, diet, surgery, stress, stroke etc.) but here, let me prescribe……. I’ve been telling doctors for years that I loathe drugs. Why oh why is the first thing they reach for the prescription pad? I’d rather find the cause of the problem and eliminate it rather than just medicate the symptoms. The bottom line is, No one had any idea what would be causing the dramatic increase in the number of migraines.

After a while, I started to notice that the symptoms are less severe. Sure I get vision disturbances and light sensitivity but the headaches are minimal and the nausea is almost non-existent. Originally on a pain/sick scale of 1 – 10 with 10 being the worst, migraines would rank a 10. For anyone that has ever broken a bone picture that kind of pain, but all in one spot in your head. It’s that kind of pain. Now it is typically like a 2 or a 3. You know, kind of like a pebble in your shoe. Yeah you know it’s there, but the next time you sit down you’ll take care of it.

I began to wonder why. What had changed? Why were the symptoms so dramatically reduced? Then something struck me. A long time ago when they wanted to put me on daily medication, one of the things they wanted to try was a beta blocker. I am now on a beta blocker for my heart. Was I finally getting a positive side affect from a drug? It appears so.

So, I asked the doctors. They are all so helpful. Their response was, “maybe, could be.” Now whenever I see one, they ask “How’s the headaches.” My response is “more frequent, less severe.” To which they all smile and say “Well, that’s good. Looks like you’re getting a dual benefit from the beta blocker. Let me know if you need me to prescribe anything else” and they all seem so happy. They tell me I should be happy too.

I can’t seem to get them to understand that, it doesn’t make me happy. Yes it is still disruptive. Yes, my head is still in a fog. Yes, I lose my vision. Yes, I still have “pressure” in my head” Yes I am still slightly nauseous. I still have all of the symptoms, just not as bad. I keep telling the doctors things like “It’s like being less pregnant. Sometimes you are or are you are not. Less doesn’t really help” I can’t seem to get anyone to understand that this still isn’t something I’m too crazy about.

Here’s an analogy

Think back to Junior High. Remember the class bully?, Picture this, every now and then the bully grabs you, When he does he just beats the crap out of you, takes your lunch money and leaves you laying in a pool of you own blood or stuffed in a locker somewhere.

Now skip forward a few years. You’re in high school. The bully from Junior High no longer beats you up and takes your lunch money occasionally. Instead, every day when he sees you in the hall he just punches you in the stomach.

Here’s a question for you. Do you feel any better when you see the bully in high school now that he’s not taking your lunch money?

Migraines are like run-ins with the bully. Today I’m not penniless stuffed in a locker somewhere. Then again, I’m not looking forward to seeing him. No matter how you slice it, it’s still painful and it sucks.