Winning the Battle and Losing the War

I had a conversation with Dan today about a something that happened at school. Ultimately it will be but a little bump in the road that will be a pain for him to rectify. In the grand scheme of things though, this little bump is going to rate as a minor annoyance or a little inconvenience as opposed to a real problem. I mean, we’re not looking for a kidney or anything for him. He’s just going to have to work a little harder for a short while. Listening to Dan talk about what was happening to him made me think of a story that I hadn’t thought of in quite a while.

Anyway, The Boy ran into an issue. He had to approach someone and make a case to rectify the problem. The person he spoke with unfortunately wasn’t about to even consider changing things. Though outwardly compassionate, there wasn’t a chance they were going to budge. This person conceded that Dan might be right, but it didn’t matter. Nothing was going to change.

Dan and I talked about his lack of leverage in the debate. The person he was engaged with held all of the aces and face cards. There was nothing that he was going to say or do that was going to change things. During our discussion I told Dan that he was in a semantic argument and that if he pushed it, and escalated it, and made a real issue out of it, he might be able to win it. I also said that if he did, in the long run he risked losing more than he could potentially gain right now. He could win the battle, but he risked losing the war. That comment made me think of a story from my own college days,

I think I’ve mentioned that I was on the seven year plan for college about a billion times. I went to school for two years, took three years off, then went back and finished up. Dear ol’ Dad carried the burden for the first two years. The last two were all mine. This arraignment had a dramatic impact on me; I use it as an example for a lot of different things all the time. The first two years were Party Time. However, when I was on my dime, it was all business. I went from “Yeah, if this professor doesn’t show up in 30 seconds this class is canceled YAHOOOO!” to “That son of a bitch better show, I’m not paying for him to blow off my class. He doesn’t show up, he owes me $200.00. I'll give him 30 more seconds then I'm gonna go get him.” Grades improved too. It wasn’t like I was on academic probation or anything, but I wasn’t necessarily motivated by grades the first time around either. What about the second time around? Well let’s just say my GPA improved dramatically.

On top of all that I worked full time too. My first year back, I worked two part time jobs. I got to pack groceries with the high school kids and retirees; I also worked for a game company running a paper cutter and drill press. My second year, I worked second shift in the Data Center for the BayBanks. This is actually where/how I started my career. BayBanks was the jumping off point for me. Anyway, the point of all this background is to illustrate the second two years were serious business.

I had to take a communications course. I had the choice of taking Effective Speaking, or Business Communications. I opted for Business Communications because, well frankly, I didn’t want to have to get up in front of the class and give presentations. Boy wasn’t I bummed when I found out the Business Communications class included weekly presentations. Tuesdays we wrote, Thursdays we presented. DAMN.

This was an 8:00 AM class. I hated 8:00 AM classes. I worked until 12:30 AM. 8:00 AM classes therefore came really early. I wasn’t always at my best.

One morning on the way to class, I had a traffic accident. I hadn’t fully woken up yet. I don’t know what I was thinking about when I pulled out in front of the other guy. I saw him. I knew he was there. I just didn’t think to stop. I cut him off huge. The end result? Not a scratch on my car, the other guy was totaled. Needless to say, I missed that class. By 10:00 AM I was in the professor’s office finding out what the assignment was for the next class. Another time my car broke down. I had to have it towed. I was abandoned by the side of the road. I was stranded. I had to try to find a way to campus, from campus to work, and then home again after midnight. Needless to say I missed class again and was back in the professor’s office the following day finding out the assignment. I was sick one day and missed another class. You guessed it, another trip to the professor’s office.

I was doing very well in this class all things considered. The class was all writing and presentation, fairly subjective if you ask me. At midterm I had a very solid “A” going.  My lowest score to that point had been a 95.

Shortly after mid terms there was a big snow storm. I was a commuter. I lived 30 minutes from school. At rush hour, the commute was more like an hour and 30 minutes. I left the house extra early the day of the storm. By 9:00 I had made it only half way to school. I turned around and went home. I had missed class again.

The next day I swung by the professors office. He wasn’t there. I waited to talk to him until after class a day later. After class I approached the professor and asked if there was a convenient time for me to swing by and talk about what if any assignment I had missed. We’re at the front of the class room. Now let me tell you about this prick. He was about 30 years old, maybe less. (I was 24 at the time) He wore one of those sporting/shooting tweed jackets. You know, leather patch on one shoulder and both elbows. And he was constantly sucking on an unlit pipe. I don’t know what he thought the pipe did for him, but he always either had it in his hand or in his mouth. It was like his professor prop or something. This guy was like a PBS caricature of an old world English Professor. Anyway, I asked if I could swing by his office. This prick looked at me and said “Well, if you came to class more often then you wouldn’t have to keep coming to my office. You really need to try to be here more regularly. I don’t think I have time, try me next week. Maybe one of your classmates can help you.” He made this comment in front of the entire class and it was just dripping in sarcasm. Sometimes it’s not necessarily the words, but how they are said that conveys the message. I felt about two inches tall. I slaked out of the room. Was trying to maintain my composure, but I was steaming. It was then and there that I decided I would not let this insult go unchallenged.

I had to wait until the following week for the next class. When class finally rolled around again I made sure I sat up front so that I would be in a good position to grab Professor Dipshit the second it ended. I was going to talk to him and I was going to do it publicly,

When class ended, I got into the doorway and asked if I could speak to Professor Prick’nstien. I got in the doorway so that I would block everyone else’s exit. I was embarrassed publicly; I was going to get an apology publicly. So Professor Prickface came over and asked what I wanted to speak to him about. I looked at him and said “You embarrassed me the last class. You did it in front of the class and I don’t appreciate it. You told me that if I came to class regularly then I would be better prepared. I’m not one of these kids whose mommy and daddy are paying for them to come to school. I work so I can come to school. This is coming out of my pocket. I’m not intentionally skipping your class. I’ve been to your office and discussed this with you.” I handed him a copy of the accident report. I then said, “I told you I had a traffic accident on the way to school which caused me to miss a class.” I handed him the towing bill “I told you my car broke down another time, here’s the bill. Oh and by the way, this car is not some junker. I have a new car. It’s less than two years old. (Two truths and a lie. It was a two year old car that I had bought new, but it was a Volari. Ipso facto, it was a piece of junk). I bought it. Mommy and daddy didn’t give it to me like some of the kids in this class. I work to pay for this class and that car and unfortunately, the car broke down which impacted my ability to get to class. I live 30 minutes away and when I have no car, I have no way to get here. Again, I have already told you all this.” I then handed him a copy of the Boston Globe from the day after the storm and said “The day of the storm I left my house over 2 hours early to get to your class. That means I left my house before 6:00 AM to get here. At 9:00 AM I was only half way here. Yes, at that time I decided to turn around and go home. I had been on the road for 3 hours and had already missed class.” The headline of the paper referenced all the traffic delays caused by the storm. I then said “I don’t have an excuse for the day I was sick, you’ll have to take my word for that. I’m not trying to skip your class because it’s inconvenient. I’m paying for this out of my own pocket. Every class I miss is like dropping a match on a pile of cash. It’s like throwing away money that I don’t have. I wish this semester was going smoother. I wish I hadn’t missed so many classes. I’ve have already explained all this to you. That said I don’t appreciate what you said to me or that you said it in front of the entire class. You owe me an apology.”

Again, I was standing in the doorway. Not a sole had left the room. They were all queuing up around me, waiting for me to get out of the door so they could leave. Needless to say, everyone in the room heard this exchange.

Professor Prickman just looked at me wide eyed. His mouth was agape. He was stunned. A second or two went by, and then he regained his composure. I got my apology. He apologized for being insensitive and doing it in front of the class. He offered to speak with me in his office to bring me fully up to date with all assignments. I thanked him but declined his offer.

At this point I left the classroom. I felt good. I had been publicly slighted. I had gotten a public apology. As far as I was concerned, the matter was closed.

For the rest of the semester, the best grade I got on anything I wrote was a “D”. Professor Prickmeister was kind of brutal in his critiques of my presentations too.

YES, I had won the battle. (Yeaaaa) OH NO, I had lost the war. (Booooooo)  I had gotten my public apology.   But this class wasn't going to help my GPA any.

Lesson learned.  Sometimes the best thing to do is just let things alone and make the best of what you’ve got. Had I just kept my mouth shut, I probably would have kept my “A”.   We'll never know.  Up until the doorway discussion  with Super Prick (Dauntless Defender of Conceit) this class had been fairly easy.  Afterwards, not so much.   What did I say about it earlier?  Grading was kinda subjective?  Let's just say the Anti-Professor was no longer looking kindly on what I wrote or presented. Hopefully, Dan the Man gains some perspective from this anecdote. Yeah, he could probably make a really good case for himself in the semantic debate he’s embroiled in. He might even spin it such that he prevails in this one argument. Unfortunately, there’s no way for him to win the war.  He's got no leverage. What was it the WOPR said? “Strange game Professor Faulken, the only winning move is not to play.”

I was once talking to my father about a similar situation to Dan's. Mine was work related. I was bound and determined prove to the boss I was right. Dad’s only comment at the time was “You’ll be the rightest man on the unemployment line.” Words of wisdom. Sometimes you just gotta know when to fold’em.

Good luck Dan.