What Will They Take Next?

I don’t know how it happened but over the course of the last few weeks I’ve really started to see the humor in life. What I’m seeing the humor most often in lately is people. People are funny.

This past summer I conducted a sociology experiment. I had two propane tanks I couldn’t use. One had the wrong style valve and one was too rusty. Believe it or not, they won’t fill a tank with the old style valve. It doesn’t matter if you have the old style grill or not, they flat out won’t fill it. And no, they won’t change the valve for you, you’re stuck. They also won’t fill a tank if it’s rusty. I can’t even take the tanks back to one of those Ryno tank swap places like Lowes or Home depot. They won’t take them. Oh, and you can’t throw them out, the trash man won’t take them either. These two tanks were kicking around my garage for several years, just getting in the way and being a general nuisance. This summer I devised a plan to get rid of them. I have my daughter Cait make up a sign. It says “Two Gas Cylinders $10.00 each, or take both for $15.00”. The plan is to put the two gas tanks down by the road with the sign and hopefully someone will just steal them. Problem solved. I don’t have these things taking up space in my yard any more. Cait and I put the tanks down on the road on Sunday night, and then I go on a business trip for a week. I call home the first night and ask about the tanks; yup they’re still at the end of the driveway. I call home the second night and both tanks are still on the street. On the third or fourth night I call home and get Cait. I ask about the tanks. Her response is, “I have the $15.00”. I’m shocked. I ask her again. She says “I have $15.00”. I can’t believe my ears. I make her explain it to me. She tells me that some guy came up to the door and handed her $15.00 to take the tanks. The two tanks that I couldn’t get rid of, that nobody would fill, that I put on the road to have stolen so I could get rid of them, some guy came up to the door and give her $15.00 for them. He didn’t even haggle, he just handed her $15.00. My house is over 300 feet from the road. I can’t even see the street from my front door, trees, bushes and such are in the way. Talk about honest people. I told Cait she could keep the money. My only thought was, “Gee, I should have asked for more.”

Two days before Thanksgiving the dryer craps out. The drum turns but this time, there is no heat (vu ja de). The day after Thanksgiving, I have to buy a dryer. I decide to buy both a washer and dryer because the washer’s been on its last legs for a few weeks. If I’m biting the bullet for a dryer, might as well get the washer while I’m at it. I buy the appliances and get them home. I make the Boy (ok Man now) help me lug the new ones into the house and the old ones out. I take the hoses, vents and power cords etc. off the old machines and reuse them on the new. I just spent $1,000 on new appliances; I don’t want to spend the extra $5.00 just to get new hoses now do I? Dan the Man and I load the old, broken, rusty, cordless washer and dryer into the truck and haul them down to the street (Hello, over 300 feet from the house, I’m not going to CARRY them. Hey, I’m nutz, not crazy.) We get them out on the road without incident. The new washer and dryer are now up and running. The old washer and dryer are on the street waiting for trash pickup. Later in the day I went out to run some errands. By the time I got home, the dryer was GONE. Someone scooped the dryer! I put two appliances on the street. One was working when it went up there, one wasn’t. Someone took the one that wasn’t. It didn’t have a power cord or vent hose. But its, gone. The washer sat at the end of the driveway all day on Saturday. This afternoon, the washer disappeared. I had taken the hoses and power cord from the washing machine. I took the lid off so that I would have a place to grab when I was moving it out. I cut the drain hose right off of it so I could get it out the door. Didn’t matter, someone took it anyway.

What are people thinking? Do other people really throw good appliances away? What, do they think I’m only camouflaging them with all the rust so that other people don’t know how truly perfect these things are? Anything I could get off of them was missing. Why the heck would anyone want my old, broken, rusty falling apart junk?

A guess that old saying is right, “One man’s junk is another man’s treasure”. I have a garage full of old, broken things. I think I’ll just start hauling them down to the road one by one on trash day. It will be my little science experiment. What will people take? Come on down. I have a wheel barrel with a flat tire and a broken handle if anyone wants it.